Would you like to instill a growth mindset, see change embraced, create a culture of innovation, see people adapt faster in the digital era or increase the level of engagement and ownership? Many leaders around the world crack their brains every day on these challenges, often to the level of frustration of themselves and others. What would their lives be like if they could reduce this stress?
Cross-Cultural Experiences and Cultural Barriers
I have had the pleasure of working in 32 different countries, lived in Singapore for nearly 4 years, moved back to Europe (Germany), and eventually to my hometown of Maastricht during the Covid-19 crisis. Despite my cross cultural experience gained over the years in Europe, the Middle East, Asia, and America, I still encountered a few cultural barriers upon returning to my home base. The culture you grew up in, it can’t be that difficult, right?
Empathy as the Key to Cultural Understanding
To find the solution, I thought back to my experience in Singapore. I can easily make a nice list of situations that were frustrating at times but hilarious in hindsight. I wondered how I overcame the cultural barriers I faced and went back to the moment when it clicked. At that moment, I had realized that I had focussed on understanding the culture and trying to adapt to it… without the success I was seeking
The Power of Empathy in Human Connection
Often I would think, “I used to be good at this! What is going on?” I was focussing on cultural elements, trying to understand and act accordingly. However, I could not truly empathize with every individual I met. This realization has been the key to a much happier life. I started to pay more attention to the people around me, listening to them to understand their motivations and perspectives, seeing the world through their eyes. It did not mean I had to agree with them or mimic their behavior. Once people knew that I understood their needs, feelings, challenges, and fears, I could build bridges and get things moving. It helped me stay authentic, even in difficult situations.
The Learning Process of Empathy
The comforting knowledge I had was that I saw that the leaders we worked with every day, struggled with the same things. I was not the only one trying to “find my way out of the desert.”
Understanding and Applying Empathy
Many leaders I met did not consider empathy a soft skill but rather a soft approach to leadership. It is fair to say that all of these leaders, who tried to convince me of this perspective, had never truly seen or felt the real power of empathy. It is understandable to think of empathy as only “soft” if you have only seen examples of people around you confusing empathy with sympathy. An eye-opener for many of us is the realization that you can fully empathize with someone, truly understand why someone thinks, feels, says or does something without needing to agree with it. People will gladly accept that because your approval or validation is not their goal; instead they want to be heard and understood.
Empathy as a Skill
I often get asked, “Can you learn to empathize, or is it a gift reserved for the lucky few who are born with it?” Not everyone will win the gold medal in the Olympics, but you can get better at it through focus and training. You can improve your ability to ask the right questions, invest more time and effort in listening, and gain a deeper understanding, so empathy can be learned.
Empathy in action
But we are not quite there yet. It does not end with just understanding a person and ensuring they feel heard and understood. You might ask yourself, “I have put myself in their shoes, so what is next?” There needs to be a follow-up action because merely understanding and moving on still leaves someone in the same place. What can you do to support and assist someone with all of the insights you have gained? When you understand the barrier, you can effectively explore the next steps. Utilize the insights you have gained and the trust you have built; take action!
Empathy in Leadership: A Continuous Process
Empathizing with people and taking action-oriented follow-up steps is an ongoing process. It is not about going along with the crowd but about building solid bridges. We can all make the transition from unconsciously incompetent to consciously incompetent in empathizing with people. And even though you may move from a great place to be (I don’t know that I’m doing anything wrong) to the worst place to be (I’m aware that I’m doing something wrong), it is that initial painful realization that can motivate you and help you become consciously competent. Ultimately, you will discover that you are contributing to creating a great environment for many.